I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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