Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
