I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
