Where is the hickey?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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