You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
