If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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