it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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