my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
