so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
