sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
