I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
