I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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