This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
