I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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