I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
