I've blown a few things in my day
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
