Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
