An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
