I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize