i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
