im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
