Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
