Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
false alarm, still single
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
