just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
