everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
