I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
