...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
