You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
