She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
