I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
