Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
