too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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