Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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