He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
