Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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