Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
