u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize