Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
