i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
