just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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