dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
