Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He better not be in your backpack
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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