I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
