i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
