he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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