Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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