I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
