Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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