Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
