I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
