she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
