Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How naked do you want me to be?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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