So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
