I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
