I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
