I'm going to jail i love you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
