Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
