I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
