im drinking this country out of the recession.
My cat gives me a boner
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
