i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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