I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am spending my child support on dildos
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My pussy is not your playground.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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