I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
