Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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