i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
