Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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