She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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