I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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