ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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