carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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